Building Real Confidence: Why We Don’t Hide the “Red Pens”

I recently had a fascinating conversation with a parent that really made me think. She was hesitant about enrolling her child because she worried that competitive environments do more harm than good. Her view was that sports should focus entirely on constant praise and protecting a child’s feelings, rather than emphasizing competition or correction. We didn’t end up on the same page, and that’s okay! Healthy debate is great. But it gave me a chance to reflect on why programs like Gymfinity operate the way they do, and why we believe our approach is exactly what kids need to thrive in the real world.

The Self-Esteem Trap: Earned vs. Empty Praise

As an educator (My degrees are both in education), I care deeply about building children up. No coach should ever deliberately tear down a child’s self-esteem. But there is a big difference between empty praise and earned confidence. Lately, there’s a trend in youth development to shield kids from even the slightest hint of frustration:

• Grading papers with purple pens because red ink feels too “harsh.”
• Banning classic playground games like tag because someone has to be “it.”
• Swapping out traditional juggling balls for slow-moving scarves because dropping a ball might cause temporary frustration.

While the intention behind this is pure—wanting to protect kids from feeling bad—treating children like fragile porcelain eggs actually doing them a disservice. If we wrap kids in bubble wrap, how do they learn to bounce back? Life is full of gravity, dropped juggling balls, and moments where things don’t go our way. Our goal shouldn’t be to eliminate the challenge; it should be to give kids the tools to conquer it.

Dropping the Ball (And Picking It Back Up)

Let’s look at that juggling example. Juggling is hard! You are going to drop the balls. A lot. But chasing those dropped balls teaches persistence. Cooperating with a partner teaches teamwork. Sticking with it until you can keep three objects in the air teaches dedication. If we switch to scarves just to avoid the drop, we miss out on the entire lesson.

The same goes for playground games. Being “it” isn’t a setback—it’s the game! It teaches kids to strategize, work harder, and see the game from a different perspective.

The Reality Check: Sooner or later, every child will face a stressful situation, a tough critique, or a disappointment. Shielding them from reality at age seven makes it much harder for them to handle a difficult college professor or a strict boss at age twenty-two.

How We Do It at Gymfinity: So, is a high-energy, structured environment good for kids? Unquestionably, yes. We teach children to respect themselves, their peers, and their mentors. We show them that with hard work and dedication, amazing things are possible. But we also aren’t afraid of honest feedback. Our staff is specifically trained to avoid unearned praise. If a coach tells a child “Great job!” when they didn’t actually put in the effort, that praise loses all its value. Eventually, it just sounds like the “Wah, wah, wah” background noise from a Charlie Brown cartoon. Instead, we focus on constructive, direct coaching:

• “Your foot isn’t pointed. If you lock that ankle, this turn is going to be way easier.”
• “That didn’t quite land, but I love the adjustments you made. Try it again.”

This isn’t criticism; it’s learning. It’s showing the athlete exactly how to succeed. When I first told my mom I wanted to open a gymnastics center, she didn’t hit me with empty platitudes. She gave it to me straight.

She said, “J, it’s going to be tough. You’re going to have a hard time, and sometimes you’re going to feel like crying. It’s okay to cry. But when you’re done, you need to get back to work. It’s got to be about the work, not the crying.”

She raised my bar. Her honest feedback made me reach higher. And she was right—running a business is tough, and I’ve had my stressful moments. But because I was taught to handle challenges head-on, I always get back to work. At Gymfinity, we aren’t just training gymnasts for the next meet. We are using the sport to build resilient, confident, respectful human beings who know exactly how to dust themselves off and try again.