Confessions of a Gymnastics Coach: The Day My Athlete Called Me Out

I have a confession to make. The other night at team training, I slipped. One of my gymnasts finished an attempt, and as I was trying to watch nine other athletes at the exact same time, I casually threw out a, “Hey, awesome job!” Spoiler alert: It wasn’t awesome. Her form was off, her focus was drifting, and her technique was… let’s just say it needed some serious TLC. I gave her dismissive praise because I was busy, and she caught me red-handed.

She looked straight at me, completely unfooled, and said, “No it wasn’t. What do I need to do?” Boom. Mic drop from a teenager.

It perfectly sums up what kids actually want. They don’t want hollow compliments; they crave real direction. That’s what helps them grow—not just as athletes, but as future adults. Let’s just say that this post is a continuation from the previous post.

As adults, parents, and coaches, we’ve all been there. We get overwhelmed, so we throw generic praise (or generic critique) at a kid just to check a box. “Good job, buddy!” or “Put more effort into it!” without actually looking at what they did. Whenever I miss a skill because I’m looking elsewhere, I try to just be honest: “Hey, I missed that one. Do it again.” They might get a little frustrated (Josie), but honesty builds real credibility. Kids know when you’re actually watching, and they know when you’re faking it.

It reminds me of a debate I had with some friends about how we grew up. My mom was a tough, no-nonsense second-generation Hungarian American. She set incredibly strict boundaries, and I was expected to tow the line. But she also encouraged me to speak my mind and explain my perspective (as long as I did it respectfully). Some of my college friends grew up with the exact opposite approach—zero boundaries, zero criticism, and a constant stream of unearned praise. The result? By the time we hit college, those same friends had no idea how to handle freedom or reality. Some of them spent their semesters face-down on the dorm bathroom floor, while others walked around completely shocked that the universe didn’t revolve entirely around them.

Does giving kids honest, realistic feedback damage their self-esteem? Highly unlikely. Does it keep them grounded? Absolutely. Real confidence isn’t built on a foundation of empty participation trophies; it’s built on real capability.

For a long time, youth culture was obsessed with boosting self-esteem at all costs. Schools started ignoring spelling and grammar errors because they didn’t want to hurt feelings. (Which explains why an entire generation now struggles with basic typos… cough guilty as charged cough).

But psychologists who studied this movement found something fascinating. Empty praise actually did more harm than good.

• The Bubble Effect: Without experiencing adversity or constructive critique at a young age, kids can grow up looking secure on the surface, but like a bubble, they burst the second they hit a real-world obstacle.
• The Entitlement Trap: Employers often note that new grads sometimes expect a promotion after three months on the job. When society makes kids the absolute center of attention 24/7, reality hits extra hard later on.

Thankfully, the pendulum is swinging back. Modern coaching and teaching focus on deserved recognition for jobs well-done. Children need clearly defined boundaries. They need to know exactly where the lines are drawn.

• When they do something wrong: They need to know it’s unacceptable, and they need clear, actionable steps on how to fix it. That’s called learning.
• When they do something right: We should heap praise on them lavishly! Because when praise is earned, it feels like winning Olympic gold.

My hollow “awesome” the other night was a great reminder for me. I apologized to my athlete, gave her the real corrections she asked for, and watched her get to work. Turns out, coaches never stop learning either!