How to support your athlete

This is the third of my posts that address being a supportive parent with a child in sports.  Here are 5 simple summary points that will help you be the parent your child needs to be successful.

1. You are not your child.  When/if you were in sports it was a different time and regardless of how well you remember your experience, it is not the same as theirs.  If/when they want to talk about their training or their performance, just listen. I had a teacher once that told me to “Seek first to understand, then speak.” That was some of the best advice I have ever received.
2. Support your child’s coach/teacher. When you criticize the person responsible for improving your child’s experience it will confuse them, at best. And, at worst, will lead them to push back against the instruction being offered. Not only will this effect their performance or growth, but it will adversely affect the team dynamic and atmosphere.  If there is a problem with the coaching, the best solution is to address the coach directly and discreetly.
3. Never compare your child’s performance or growth against another’s. Everyone has different things they are dealing with. There may be fears, motivations, or physical concerns that are to be considered. Plus, all kids develop on their own pace. Some shine early and then plane out. Others may struggle at first then rise up late. This is due to many many influences that a parent cannot control. When comparing children it is never apples to apples. Sometimes it’s more like apples to pepperoni.
4. Remember and share with your child that their worth is not based on the outcome of a game, meet, class, or score.  Helping them to understand that no outcome is final and that tomorrow begins the opportunity to change the result you had today will help your child understand and deal with the frustrations that come with sports.  Our family is really into Ultimate Frisbee. There is a team called the Detroit Mechanix that lost 81 games in a row. That’s 7 seasons of losses. No player on that team should feel that their worth is based on the win/loss record but on the way they came into every new game.  (PS, they won a game this season, and though they are not my team, I was so happy for them and they deserve a big ol’ party for never giving up. )
5. Don’t BS your kid by using cliché’s like “great job”, or “I liked watching you play”, or even “I still love you.”  Sometimes that can be received as sarcastic or even as just a rote response. They may feel that you are trying to cover up your disappointment and could ultimately feel unsupported. It’s best to simply state “I thought you worked really hard today.” They will appreciate that you notice the effort as it is the only thing they can control. Scores, other players, and wins or losses are out of their control.

The support your child needs is to know that you are on their side. That you are not devaluing them based on performance and that win, lose, or draw you are proud of their effort.